Pregnancy for the unmaternal...Not a boat post!
I am not yet a parent - but I am 8 months pregnant and getting my first taste of the bullshit that seems to come with it - anyone would think I was having a lobotomy not a baby.
The first unavoidable thing about being pregnant is that people project their maternal feelings on to you with comments like 'isn't it lovely when they kick you' and 'you are going to love that baby so much the second you see it' & my personal most hated 'It will be the single most best thing you ever do in your life'. I sort of hope that the single most best thing I ever do in my life is me, and that my offspring will thrive off that and also be great - I haven't finished yet I'm not ready to give up and have my greatest achievement be someone else. And since you mention it - no it's not nice when it kicks - it kicks me in the ribs and it hurts and it gives me indigestion that makes me feel like I've been drinking cups of hot sick and what if I don't love it the second its on me - what if it takes me a while?!
There seems no way to cope with this and it only gets more frequent. It's not only your friends and family but strangers at bus stops and the midwifes and the corporate giants who want you to spend too much money on the whole thing. Suddenly there is a mounting pressure to become this soft, Mummsy type and I personally felt inadequate about not wanting to be that.
The second bullshit thing that happens is people stop talking to you like you're an adult. The NHS provided a sort of magazine to guide me along the process of growing a baby and there was an article in it that suggested that a good way to pass the time in my final trimester was to 'take up some light reading' (why light? Would War & Peace send me into labour?) and to 'book a hair appointment' (really the excitement is too much). In one of my antenatal classes a fully grown adult Midwife said the words 'Poo-poos & Wee-wee's', there was no one in the room under the age of 25 (they also have a habit of dropping the indefinite article and calling it BABY instead of THE BABY which is just unnecessary & possibly the most irritating thing anyone can say).
The third bullshit thing is the 'ESSENTIAL BABY LIST'. On more than one occasion I wondered around Mothercare, and I realised that you can spend so much money on stuff for the smallest of beings who really only NEEDS a pair of tits to survive. Because I was also 'anti baby shower' (I'm no fun me) I had little help from relatives & friends, but we still managed to get everything we needed for £600. That may seem a lot but its nothing compared to want they want you to spend and came to;
-£260 a brand new mid range car seat (you shouldn't get them 2nd hand and because we have a ford focus we were limited on what seats we could get)
-£300 a second hand carrycot and pram
-£40 a few baby clothes (did get some hand me downs), Lanolin, muslins, nappies.
I'll wash it in a bucket, it'll sleep in it's pram, I'll entertain it with my face.
Now I've realised that I don't have to do Motherhood the way they want me to I'm beginning to look forward to it (just as well at 8 months pregnant)! But if you are starting out on the journey and all of the pressure to completely transform into a frump is getting to you just remember that you can do this however you want there is no right way.
I'll keep you posted as to whether I manage to hold on to a whisp of myself throughout the next few months or if my brain turns into a pink mush...
The first unavoidable thing about being pregnant is that people project their maternal feelings on to you with comments like 'isn't it lovely when they kick you' and 'you are going to love that baby so much the second you see it' & my personal most hated 'It will be the single most best thing you ever do in your life'. I sort of hope that the single most best thing I ever do in my life is me, and that my offspring will thrive off that and also be great - I haven't finished yet I'm not ready to give up and have my greatest achievement be someone else. And since you mention it - no it's not nice when it kicks - it kicks me in the ribs and it hurts and it gives me indigestion that makes me feel like I've been drinking cups of hot sick and what if I don't love it the second its on me - what if it takes me a while?!
There seems no way to cope with this and it only gets more frequent. It's not only your friends and family but strangers at bus stops and the midwifes and the corporate giants who want you to spend too much money on the whole thing. Suddenly there is a mounting pressure to become this soft, Mummsy type and I personally felt inadequate about not wanting to be that.
The second bullshit thing that happens is people stop talking to you like you're an adult. The NHS provided a sort of magazine to guide me along the process of growing a baby and there was an article in it that suggested that a good way to pass the time in my final trimester was to 'take up some light reading' (why light? Would War & Peace send me into labour?) and to 'book a hair appointment' (really the excitement is too much). In one of my antenatal classes a fully grown adult Midwife said the words 'Poo-poos & Wee-wee's', there was no one in the room under the age of 25 (they also have a habit of dropping the indefinite article and calling it BABY instead of THE BABY which is just unnecessary & possibly the most irritating thing anyone can say).
The third bullshit thing is the 'ESSENTIAL BABY LIST'. On more than one occasion I wondered around Mothercare, and I realised that you can spend so much money on stuff for the smallest of beings who really only NEEDS a pair of tits to survive. Because I was also 'anti baby shower' (I'm no fun me) I had little help from relatives & friends, but we still managed to get everything we needed for £600. That may seem a lot but its nothing compared to want they want you to spend and came to;
-£260 a brand new mid range car seat (you shouldn't get them 2nd hand and because we have a ford focus we were limited on what seats we could get)
-£300 a second hand carrycot and pram
-£40 a few baby clothes (did get some hand me downs), Lanolin, muslins, nappies.
I'll wash it in a bucket, it'll sleep in it's pram, I'll entertain it with my face.
Now I've realised that I don't have to do Motherhood the way they want me to I'm beginning to look forward to it (just as well at 8 months pregnant)! But if you are starting out on the journey and all of the pressure to completely transform into a frump is getting to you just remember that you can do this however you want there is no right way.
I'll keep you posted as to whether I manage to hold on to a whisp of myself throughout the next few months or if my brain turns into a pink mush...
Whoop whoop! I will be 8 months on Thursday, and agree with everything you have said.
ReplyDeleteYou'll be grand. Go with the flow and all the best x
ReplyDeleteYou are so true with everything you said. I am due in June with 2nd and know hard work on the way Am I excited as people expect not really!!
ReplyDelete